Nameless tears

There are nights I cry myself to sleep. Why does a happy woman like me have to do that, and for seemingly no real reason? Perhaps I am too tired, physically, and sometimes mentally. Even then the crying seems a little extreme. I think I have a great life. A supportive family, a great job, lovely colleagues, great friends…but still there are times when the emptiness just engulfs me. The tears brim over, and all I can do is curl up on my bed and cry, till sleep takes over. I have asked myself many times why I am so demanding of life. Why would anyone want so much happiness? I understand that happiness and disappointments come hand in hand, so one should be used to the ups and downs, the fits and starts. But obviously that realization alone doesn’t make you accepting of it. And so the cyclic tears make their unexpected appearance every once in a while. The reasons are plenty—from something as simple as too much to do, to something more complicated like no “me time”. I have cried for something as silly as having to watch a movie that I just don’t want to, but because someone in the family wants to, and I am obliged to tag along. Yes, when life is choc block with things to do, even the silliest things can tick you off. I have even shed copious tears because the daughter talks incessantly and all I can hear in my head is screeching and pounding of ceaseless questions and demands! I have cried craving for silence! In all honesty, I have a good life. I probably couldn’t have asked for a better one. Things seem to work out just fine for me most of the times. So there’s nothing to really complain about. But then again, who really knows a woman’s heart. Not even the woman herself. So let the tears flow, because in the morning, the sun rises, and so does she, with new spirits, new hopes and a new sense of happiness. To me this is my way of appreciating my life, of finding me after crying nameless tears.  

Amen.