There
are nights I cry myself to sleep. Why does a happy woman like me have to do
that, and for seemingly no real reason? Perhaps I am too tired, physically, and
sometimes mentally. Even then the crying seems a little extreme. I think I have
a great life. A supportive family, a great job, lovely colleagues, great
friends…but still there are times when the
emptiness just engulfs me. The tears brim over, and all I can do is curl up on
my bed and cry, till sleep takes over. I have asked myself many times why I am
so demanding of life. Why would anyone want so much happiness? I understand
that happiness and disappointments come hand in hand, so one should be used to
the ups and downs, the fits and starts. But obviously that realization alone
doesn’t make you accepting of it. And so the cyclic tears make their unexpected
appearance every once in a while. The reasons are plenty—from something as simple as too much to do, to
something more complicated like no “me time”. I have cried for something as
silly as having to watch a movie that I just don’t want to, but because someone
in the family wants to, and I am obliged to tag along. Yes, when life is choc
block with things to do, even the silliest things can tick you off. I have even
shed copious tears because the daughter talks incessantly and all I can hear in
my head is screeching and pounding of ceaseless questions and demands! I have
cried craving for silence! In all honesty, I have a good life. I probably
couldn’t have asked for a better one. Things seem to work out just fine for me
most of the times. So there’s nothing to really complain about. But then again,
who really knows a woman’s heart. Not even the woman herself. So let the tears
flow, because in the morning, the sun rises, and so does she, with new spirits,
new hopes and a new sense of happiness. To me this is my way of appreciating my
life, of finding me after crying nameless tears.
Amen.
