“Weighty” issues

A fat person should have a good sense of humour. After all, when others joke about her weight, she’s got to be able to join in the fun and crack a few on herself. No?

A fat person is totally self-obsessed. She eats uncontrollably so that people (read friends, family, colleagues, random acquaintance, mother’s aunt’s daughter’s sister-in-law) will look at her and comment on her expanding body proportions, thereby attracting as much attention as possible.

A fat person is stone-hearted. How else would she deal with the scathing remarks that come her way so relentlessly? 

My increasing weight has been a matter of great interest to a number of people. Of course, nobody says “Nina, you’ve become fat!” Because “fat” is a taboo word, if the concerned person is right there, that is. But they quickly resort to the phrase “ooh you’ve put on (a lot of) weight!!!” Thanks for telling me; I hadn’t noticed, you know (cuz I was so busy eating).

Yes people, for the last time, I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT. Is it a crime??? Now what do you want me to do, DIE?!!!

I hate to have to explain the reason behind my rather full figure (humour me, please). But c’mon, who likes being told that—again and again and again? I wish I was ten kilos lighter. So? Do you get what you want all the time? Ok, I know I should knock off some of the weight. I know I need to exercise (I do, but I need a lot more!). I know I need to diet. I know it all. But again, what’s YOUR problem???

I am amused by the way most people offer their ‘expert’ comments and observations. An Fb friend once said (I haven’t met her otherwise), “Yeah, I noticed you are the fatty kinds”. I couldn’t believe I heard that right! Then a school friend I bumped into after 15 years said, “You look plumper in your Fb photos. You’ve lost some.” What? My mind? But thanks, anyway. But what I clearly cannot forget is a comment passed casually by an acquaintance—“Are you expecting? There is no other reason why you should be so fat.” No, I didn’t kill him. I only smiled. Cuz he was as old as my dad. Lucky for him!

I wonder if it a very Indian thing to do—commenting on people’s weight. Someone from my family (who is a non-Indian) was flabbergasted when a relative from her hubby’s (who’s my cousin) side “informed” her how much weight she had put on. The poor dear couldn’t believe someone could be so rude. I had to offer her some consolation; but I could only muster, “Welcome to India!”