The quirks of motherhood

• You look under the bed when your hairbrush, sunscreen or deodorant goes missing. If you find it there, you use it and put it back under the bed cuz it’s gonna find its way back there anyway.

• You find plastic numbers in the fridge.

• You get up in between a meal to wipe poop/pee off the floor. Sometimes the second time in the same day.

• You have a little hand wedged in your hair all night.

• Peeing, bathing, brushing your teeth, changing clothes become spectator sport.

• Shopping means looking over your shoulders and playing peekaboo around the clothes stands. And occasionally getting heart attacks when the hider goes missing. For exactly 6 seconds.

• “The Big Video Time” on Boogie Beebies (Cbeebies) makes you jump out of your chair and break into a dance.

• The kid’s meal time makes you feel like an accomplished goalkeeper.

• You realize why patience is a virtue when you answer the billionth time what colour a flower is. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink.

• You get kicked in the groin, slapped on the face, poked in the ribs (and then the little hand enters your mane) before you fall asleep, dead beat.

• Weekdays mean sleeping till 9am, and weekends start at 6.30am. Sigh.

• Social outings without the kid mean looking at the watch every 10 minutes.

• Alcohol is consumed only in strict quantities (if consumed at all) to ensure minimal hangover the next day. Especially if the next day is a weekend. Sigh.

• You cringe when your kid gets beaten up by another kid. And cringe even more when your kid beats up another kid.

• You forget to pick up milk at the supermarket, but remember to stock up on packets of Gems.

• Cuss words like shit, fuck, goddammit are replaced with shucks, oh no and oh god. Sometimes even AAAAaaaarrrrrrggghhhHHH.

• Reading a storybook means putting a mimicry artist to shame with voice modulations every 0.03 seconds.

• You get away on a romantic 24-hr holiday without the kid; and all you can talk about with your spouse is, yes you guessed it, the kid.

Despite all the quirks, when the day is interspersed with enough BIGGA's (kiddie for Big Hug, thank you Teletubbies) and Kissies, it just makes all the quirks worth it. 


Photo courtesy: Saritha Rajagopal