Did you just say that? Ah! Yes! You did!

Everybody says weird things. You know, stuff that makes you go, “Mmmmm, Whattt!?” Most are funny, others are strange, some are mean or silly…but it’s stuff that you want to write down. So, I have! 

This is not about “Oh, how could you say such a thing to me” kinda ranting. It’s more like, “Oh! Ok! It’s strange you said that…Hmm” and followed by, maybe a plastic smile, or a smart retort or some such similar reaction. A lot of stuff is also reaction to weird things I have said. So basically, I had fun writing this down. Here goes… 

Said Moideen Museem in 2006 at Hitech Outsourcing Services in Cochin, when I commented on a girl he was apparently interested in: “You’re just jealous cuz she is fairer than you are…” My reaction: “What!!!” Followed by an enraged, “I can’t believe an educated young man like you can talk like that!” 

Said Sreedevi Jayaprakash in 2012 at DropCap Media, during an evening snack session while weight gain was being discussed: “Nina, you can have one less Pazhampori (banana fry)…” My reaction: I ate two!

Said Sumi Thomas in 2012 at her place, when I went to see her during her last trimester of pregnancy. She was expecting a Taurian child: “I have never liked Taurians. But Nina, you are quite okay, girl (sic).” My reaction: Smile. (In my head: a relieved Thank you.)

Said Maijo Abraham in 2007 at Hitech Outsourcing Services when we discussed my impending meeting with his parents: “But my mother will be disappointed that you are dark…” My reaction: Blank expression. (In my head: she should be glad I agreed to marry you!)

Said Shabna John in 2006 at Hitech Outsourcing Services, after her friend, who came to see her, met us (Maijo, me and another friend) and had left: “Ubin thinks you all look older to me!!” My reaction: Oh wow! Don’t look so happy, Shabna. (In my head: Ahem!) 

Said the dudette who runs Sole Sisters blog (or whatever that is) over Fb in 2012, when I commented tongue-in-cheek about a pair of street urchin-like shoes she had posted on the blog: “Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it is not nice.” My reaction: LOL! (In my head: LOL! FO!!!)

Said Saritha Rajagopal over Fb in 2012, when I commented something cheeky (which many of her friends “liked”) on her funny status: “Shaadi ho gayi, baccha ho gaya, ab toh sudhar jao Nina Nair.” My reaction: Shaadi aur baccha are not tickets to losing one’s sense of humour. (In my head: Ok, so all your guy friends who were thinking, “who could be this woman who cracked such a witty joke” now know that I am married and a mom…so, job well done, Saritha :D)

Said my cousin, a couple of years back, at my place: “Look at the size of your butt. Must be the result of your work out on your new treadmill…Huh?” My reaction: Yeah, you are right. (In my head: Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Nina. Ignore.) 

Said my school senior Pallavi Chowdhary many years ago, when she heard I had passed a comment on her: “Nina, did you say I have a constipated expression?” My reaction: Hmmm…aaaa…mmm..phewww…Yeeeaaaaa…. (In my head: “F***, I should have noticed her boyfriend’s little sister overhearing what I said…Darn!!!”

Said my Brother-in-law in 2012 as we were excitedly decorating the house with streamers and balloons for Kuku’s (my daughter) 2nd birthday party: “What are you trying to achieve from all this?” My reaction: When you have a child, you will understand. Now, you won’t! (In my head: Go climb a tree!)

Said an ex-boyfriend many years ago: “You are not the type who’d look after my parents if I’m away…” My reaction: Coughing…spluttering… throat clearing… WHAT! (In my head: “I hope you find your bharatiya naari soon, loser!”)

Said Veena Suri in 2006 over a phone chat: “Get married now. Enough of working!!!” My reaction: LOLOLOL!!!! 

Said Mother-in-law in 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012: “When our relatives heard what Maijo had done (fall in love, that too with a Hindu girl…Jesus Christ), they couldn’t believe it. MAIJO???!!! Of all the people???!!!” My reaction: Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile. (In my head: Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh)

That’s it for now, I guess. Or at least that’s all my memory has managed to come up with. But keep revisiting this post; you never know; you could make it here! ;)