Goodbye, my friend

The pebbled pathways we walked on,
The ones on which we chit-chatted and discovered each other;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

The breezy evenings we spent under the skies,
When we shared silly jokes and laughed;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

The crazy days when we bought cigarettes,
And giggled while we tried to smoke them;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

The mad arguments and fights we had,
When all we wanted was to sort it out and move on;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

Those tables where we piled up empty cups of coffees, 
And shared our deepest secrets and fears;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

The long nights we sat up and drank like fish,
And guffawed before we collapsed on our beds;
Let’s look back at them one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

That last holiday we took together,
Where the silences were longer than the conversations;
Let’s look back at it one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

The one long year in between,
The longest we’ve not spoken;
Let’s look back at it one last time,
For I want to say Goodbye, my friend.

You will be missed; but I wish you good luck.
It’s sad we are done; but I'm happy you came along.
I have memories of a beautiful friendship; but it’s time to set us free. 
So here I am, saying this one last time...
Goodbye, my friend, goodbye.

Making friendship work

I started out as a combination of a shy child when it came to conversations, and an active one when it came to boisterous playing in the outdoors. Over the years, especially when I became a teenager, I realized that for longer lasting friendship and better relationships, I needed to improve my communication skills. And then started my attempt at making better conversations, engaging the introverts in “small talk”, and generally, improving my overall sociability. I think I have done a pretty okay job. Smile. 

Now, having crossed the single status and being promoted to motherhood (not to mention the threshold of the 30s), my emotions have changed and so has my attitude to relationships. They are no longer about making more friends, but a lot about keeping the old ones closer.

However, with changing life, friendship is becoming harder to manage. You have to work around them to keep them going. The newly acquired friends are the most difficult to keep. Thus, coffee evenings, play dates for kids, and drinks and dinner events are planned and executed. For me a friendship has to be effortless. It shouldn’t feel like a task. So when you have “friends” who are hardly ever around, it makes it so much tougher to manage.

Like the friend who never keeps in touch and pretends to love you to bits when she sees you every 3 months. The one who says she’ll call back but forgets. The one who’s seasonal and pops up once a year. The one who returns from a foreign land every year promising to meet you this time but never does. The one who stays less than a kilometre away but neither calls you over nor takes your invitation seriously. The one who’s part of your group but if you were left alone with her you’d probably end up staring at the walls. The one who says we’ll definitely meet next week and that week never comes. The friend who treats you like a task on her things-to-do list. Sigh.

Honestly, I like them all. But I wish they’d be more available. More, as in over and above phone calls, mails, messaging and FB. People, whom I can meet, sit next to and chat and laugh with. And not just keep planning to do so. I have a lot to blame myself too. But I’m making amends. So if you like me and want to spend time with me, I’m game. Just remember to keep your promise when you say, “Let’s meet up!!!”

Did you just say that? Ah! Yes! You did!

Everybody says weird things. You know, stuff that makes you go, “Mmmmm, Whattt!?” Most are funny, others are strange, some are mean or silly…but it’s stuff that you want to write down. So, I have! 

This is not about “Oh, how could you say such a thing to me” kinda ranting. It’s more like, “Oh! Ok! It’s strange you said that…Hmm” and followed by, maybe a plastic smile, or a smart retort or some such similar reaction. A lot of stuff is also reaction to weird things I have said. So basically, I had fun writing this down. Here goes… 

Said Moideen Museem in 2006 at Hitech Outsourcing Services in Cochin, when I commented on a girl he was apparently interested in: “You’re just jealous cuz she is fairer than you are…” My reaction: “What!!!” Followed by an enraged, “I can’t believe an educated young man like you can talk like that!” 

Said Sreedevi Jayaprakash in 2012 at DropCap Media, during an evening snack session while weight gain was being discussed: “Nina, you can have one less Pazhampori (banana fry)…” My reaction: I ate two!

Said Sumi Thomas in 2012 at her place, when I went to see her during her last trimester of pregnancy. She was expecting a Taurian child: “I have never liked Taurians. But Nina, you are quite okay, girl (sic).” My reaction: Smile. (In my head: a relieved Thank you.)

Said Maijo Abraham in 2007 at Hitech Outsourcing Services when we discussed my impending meeting with his parents: “But my mother will be disappointed that you are dark…” My reaction: Blank expression. (In my head: she should be glad I agreed to marry you!)

Said Shabna John in 2006 at Hitech Outsourcing Services, after her friend, who came to see her, met us (Maijo, me and another friend) and had left: “Ubin thinks you all look older to me!!” My reaction: Oh wow! Don’t look so happy, Shabna. (In my head: Ahem!) 

Said the dudette who runs Sole Sisters blog (or whatever that is) over Fb in 2012, when I commented tongue-in-cheek about a pair of street urchin-like shoes she had posted on the blog: “Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it is not nice.” My reaction: LOL! (In my head: LOL! FO!!!)

Said Saritha Rajagopal over Fb in 2012, when I commented something cheeky (which many of her friends “liked”) on her funny status: “Shaadi ho gayi, baccha ho gaya, ab toh sudhar jao Nina Nair.” My reaction: Shaadi aur baccha are not tickets to losing one’s sense of humour. (In my head: Ok, so all your guy friends who were thinking, “who could be this woman who cracked such a witty joke” now know that I am married and a mom…so, job well done, Saritha :D)

Said my cousin, a couple of years back, at my place: “Look at the size of your butt. Must be the result of your work out on your new treadmill…Huh?” My reaction: Yeah, you are right. (In my head: Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Nina. Ignore.) 

Said my school senior Pallavi Chowdhary many years ago, when she heard I had passed a comment on her: “Nina, did you say I have a constipated expression?” My reaction: Hmmm…aaaa…mmm..phewww…Yeeeaaaaa…. (In my head: “F***, I should have noticed her boyfriend’s little sister overhearing what I said…Darn!!!”

Said my Brother-in-law in 2012 as we were excitedly decorating the house with streamers and balloons for Kuku’s (my daughter) 2nd birthday party: “What are you trying to achieve from all this?” My reaction: When you have a child, you will understand. Now, you won’t! (In my head: Go climb a tree!)

Said an ex-boyfriend many years ago: “You are not the type who’d look after my parents if I’m away…” My reaction: Coughing…spluttering… throat clearing… WHAT! (In my head: “I hope you find your bharatiya naari soon, loser!”)

Said Veena Suri in 2006 over a phone chat: “Get married now. Enough of working!!!” My reaction: LOLOLOL!!!! 

Said Mother-in-law in 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012: “When our relatives heard what Maijo had done (fall in love, that too with a Hindu girl…Jesus Christ), they couldn’t believe it. MAIJO???!!! Of all the people???!!!” My reaction: Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile, Smile. (In my head: Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh, Evil laugh)

That’s it for now, I guess. Or at least that’s all my memory has managed to come up with. But keep revisiting this post; you never know; you could make it here! ;)

Living life on my own terms! Really?

So I recently came across this inspiring line—“Don’t waste your life trying to impress other people. Do what you love, love what you do.” My question is…does that really work? Because honestly, I don’t stand a chance! No, really!

More importantly, can one really be happy just doing what pleases oneself? I, for one, cannot. If I did what I felt like, wouldn’t that affect the people close to me? My family, my friends?
There are multiple things I don’t want to do, sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes just because I don’t want to do it at that particular moment. Like cook or clean, run errands for the house, call that friend even though she never calls/returns my messages, or even the “extra” mommy things that my daughter can do without (but I’m forced to cuz someone feels I should). But I do all that… and more.

And then there are things I WANT to do. Like pick up a full time job that pays me a bomb, or go for an all-girls holiday or perhaps watch a movie with friends. Or just laze around all day, and do nothing at all! But if I did that, would the people closely associated with me be okay with it? I bet they will not! Because that’s not how life works. You cannot do what you want to do, all the time. You cannot not “impress” people who matter to you. Impress, as in keep them happy. You got to do it because it makes them happy. So yes, I will give up that movie with friends and go for a movie with my mom instead; yes, I won’t take that all-girls holiday cuz my daughter is still too young to spend time away from me; and no, I won’t laze around all day doing nothing cuz I have a home to look after. 

But when I make these little sacrifices, it somewhere does make me happy. Because it makes the people I love happy. So am I wasting my time? Definitely not! I may not exactly ‘love’ what I am doing, but it sure makes it easier for me to sleep in peace, every single night.